A woman and a baby were in the
doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor
to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little
concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for
a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to
get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't
have any milk.'
'I know,' she said. 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.' |
AMAZING SIMPLE
HOME REMEDIES:
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES
BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD
THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING
THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY
CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW
MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR
VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM
CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING
OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT
THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE
DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID
TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40
AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND
SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE
AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE
GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY
GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE
TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Mechanic
Offers a Nobel Prize for an Oil Change A Texas
car mechanic has turned President Obama’s
unlikely Nobel Peace Prize into an even unlikelier
promotion, and his conservative customers are loving
it. At Horizon Auto in Rockwall County, an oil
change comes with a Nobel—well, a sticker
with a picture of the prize. And these stirring
words: “Conferred for the effort and peaceful
intention of getting the oil and filter changed.”
A group of Russian men made a parody
on some fashionable photo set
from one
Russian glossy magazine.
One Sad Story…Almost
A short guy is sitting at a bar just staring
at his drink for half an hour when this big
trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs
his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then
turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if
to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?"
The poor little guy starts crying..
"Come on man, I was just giving you a
hard time," the biker says. "I didn't
think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man
crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I
can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting,
so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen
and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home."
He continues, crying even harder. "Then
I found my wife in bed with the gardener and
my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying
to work up the courage to put an end to my
life, and then you show up and drink the damn
poison." |
DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER
THE FOLLOWING:
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across
the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher
and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.
These two women go everywhere together and I’ve
never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.
Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity,
Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much,
I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated
woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting
expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost,
but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling
around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything
and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo.
Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it.
Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying
a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years.
He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months
and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home
sober.
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I
think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had
lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband
lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
The Perfect
Solution to Senior
Health Care
I
am sure you have
heard the ideas
that if you ’re
a senior you
need to suck
it up and give
up the idea that
you need any
health care.
A new hip? Unheard
of. We simply
can't afford
to take care
of you anymore.
You don't need
any medications
for your high
blood pressure,
diabetes, heart
problems, etc.
Let’s take
care of the young
people. After
all, they will
be ruling the
world very soon.
So
here is the solution.
When you turn 70,
you get a gun and
4 bullets. You
are allowed to
shoot 2 senators
and 2 representatives.
Of course, you
will be sent to
prison where you
will get 3 meals
a day, a roof over
your head and all
the health care
you need! New teeth,
great! Need glasses,
no problem. New
hip, knee, kidney,
lung, heart? Well
bring it on. And
who will be paying
for all of this.
The same government
that just told
you that you are
too old for health
care. And, since
you are a prisoner,
you don't have
to pay any income
tax.
I
really think we have
found a Perfect Solution!
(PLEASE
NOTE:....THIS IS JUST
A JOKE, we do not reccomend
nor suggest
that anyone do this......but
pay attention)
|
Late one night in Washington,
D.C., a robber jumps a well-dressed
man and sticks a gun to his back.
The robber demands, "Give me
your money!"
The man stiffened, but said indignantly, "You
can't do this to me! I'm a U.S. congressman!"
The robber says, "In that case,
give me MY money!"
(ya think?!)
If
you ever testify
in court, you
might wish
you could have
been as sharp
as this policeman.
He was being
cross-examined
by a defense
attorney during
a felony trial.
The lawyer
was trying
to undermine
the policeman's
credibility...
Q:
'Officer -- did
you see my client
fleeing the scene?'
A:
'No sir. But
I subsequently
observed a person
matching the
description of
the offender,
running several
blocks away.'
Q:
'Officer -- who
provided this
description?'
A:
'The officer
who responded
to the scene.'
Q:
'A fellow officer
provided the
description of
this so-called
offender. Do
you trust your
fellow officers?'
A:
'Yes, sir. With
my life.'
Q:
'With your life?
Let me ask you
this then officer.
Do you have a
room where you
change your clothes
in preparation
for your daily
duties?'
A:
'Yes sir, we
do!'
Q:
'And do you have
a locker in the
room?'
A:
'Yes sir, I do.'
Q:
'And do you have
a lock on your
locker?' A: 'Yes
sir.' Q: 'Now
why is it, officer,
if you trust
your fellow officers
with your life,
you find it necessary
to lock your
locker in a room
you share with
these same officers?'
A:
'You see, sir
-- we share the
building with
the court complex,
and sometimes
lawyers have
been known to
walk through
that room.'
The
courtroom EXPLODED
with laughter,
and a prompt
recess was called.
Signs
of the Times
CEO’s
are now playing
miniature
golf.
Jewish
women are marrying
for love.
HotWheels
and Matchbox
stocks are
trading higher
than GM.
McDonald’s
is selling
the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents
in Beverly
Hills fired
their nannies
and learned
their children’s
names.
A
truckload of
Americans got
caught sneaking
into Mexico
.
The
most highly-paid
job is now
jury duty.
Motel
Six won’t
leave the light
on.
The
Mafia is laying
off judges.
And
finally ...
Congress says
they are looking
into this Bernard
Madoff scandal.
Hey, great
idea ... the
guy who made
$50 billion
disappear is
being investigated
by the people
who made $750
billion disappear
Here
is the Washington
Post's Mensa
Invitational
which once
again
asked
readers to
take
any word from
the dictionary,
alter it by
adding,
subtracting,
or changing one
letter, and supply
a new
definition.
Here
are the winners:
1.
Cashtration
(n.): The act
of buying a
house, which
renders the
subject
financially impotent
for an indefinite
period of time.
2.
Ignoranus : A
person who's
both stupid and
an asshole.
3.
Intaxicaton
: Euphoria at
getting a tax
refund, which
lasts until
you
realize it was
your money to
start with.
4.
Reintarnation
: Coming back
to life as a
hillbilly.
5.
Bozone ( n.):
The substance
surrounding
stupid people
that stops
bright
ideas from
penetrating.
The bozone
layer,
unfortunately,
shows
little
sign of breaking
down in the
near future.
6.
Foreploy : Any
misrepresentation
about yourself
for the purpose
of
getting
laid.
7.
Giraffiti : Vandalism
spray-painted
very, very high.
8.
Sarchasm : The
gulf between
the author of
sarcastic wit
and the
person
who doesn't get
it.
9.
Inoculatte :
To take coffee
intravenously
when you are
running late.
10.
Osteopornosis
: A degenerate
disease. (This
one got extra
credit.)
11.
Karmageddon
: It's like,
when everybody
is sending off
all these
really
bad vibes,
right?
And then, like,
the Earth explodes
and it's
like,
a serious bummer.
12.
Decafalon (n.):
The gruelling
event of getting
through the
day
consuming
only things that
are good for
you.
13.
Glibido : All
talk and no action.
14.
Dopeler Effect:
The tendency
of stupid ideas
to seem smarter
when
they
come at you
rapidly.
15.
Arachnoleptic
Fit (n.): The
frantic dance
performed just
after
you've
accidentally
walked through
a spider web.
16.
Beelzebug (n.)
: Satan in the
form of a mosquito,
that gets into
your
bedroom at three
in the morning
and cannot be
cast out.
17.
Caterpallor
( n.): The color
you turn after
finding half
a worm in
the
fruit you're
eating.
The
Washington Post
has also published
the winning
submissions to
its
yearly
contest, in which
readers
are asked to
supply alternate
meanings
for common words.
And
the winners
are:
1.
Coffee , n.
The person upon
whom one coughs.
2.
Flabbergasted
, adj. Appalled
by discovering
how much weight
one
has
gained.
3.
Abdicate ,
v. To give up
all hope of
ever having
a flat stomach.
4
esplanade ,
v. To attempt
an explanation
while drunk.
5.
Willy-nilly
, adj. Impotent.
6.
Negligent ,
adj. Absentmindedly
answering the
door when wearing
only
a nightgown.
7.
Lymph , v. To
walk with a
lisp.
8.
Gargoyle , n.
Olive-flavored
mouthwash.
9.
Flatulence
,
n. Emergency
vehicle that
picks up someone
who has
been
run over by
a steamroller.
10.
Balderdash ,
n. A rapidly
receding hairline..
11.
Testicle , n.
A humorous question
on an exam.
12.
Rectitude ,
n. The formal,
dignified bearing
adopted by
proctologists.
13.
Pokemon , n..
A Rastafarian
proctologist.
14.
Oyster , n.
A person who
sprinkles his
conversation
with
Yiddishisms.
15.
Frisbeetarianism
, n. The belief
that, after
death, the soul
flies
up
onto the roof
and gets stuck
there.
Caution...
They Walk
Among Us!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some
guy bought
a new fridge
for his house.
To get rid
of his old
fridge, he
put it in his
front yard
and hung a
sign on it
saying: 'Free
to good home.
You want it,
you take it.'
For three days
the fridge
sat there without
even one person
looking twice
at it. He
eventually
decided that
people were
too un-trusting
of this deal.
It looked
too good to be
true, so he changed
the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale
$50.'
The
next day someone
stole it!
***They
walk amongst
us!***
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
*One day
I was walking
down the beach
with some friends
when someone shouted....'Look
at that dead
bird!' Someone
looked up at
the sky and said...'where?'
***They
walk among us!!***
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
While
looking at a
house, my brother asked
the estate agent
which direction
was north because,
he explained,
he didn't want
the sun waking
him up every
morning. She
asked, 'Does
the sun rise
in the north?'
When my brother
explained that
the sun rises
in the east,
and has for sometime,
she shook her
head and said,
'Oh, I don't
keep up with
that stuff'
***They
Walk Among Us!!***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My
colleague and
I were eating
our lunch in
our cafeteria,
when we overheard
one of the administrative
assistants talking
about the sunburn
she got on her
weekend drive
to the beach.
She drove down
in a convertible,
but 'didn't think
she'd get sunburned
because the car was
moving'.
***They
Walk Among Us!!!!***
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My
sister has a
lifesaving tool
in her car it's
designed to cut
through a seat
belt if she gets
trapped She keeps
it in the trunk.
***They
Walk Among Us!!!!!***
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I
was hanging out
with a friend
when we saw a
woman with a
nose ring attached
to an earring
by a chain. My
friend said,
'Wouldn't the
chain rip out
every time she
turned her head?'
I had
to explain that
a person's nose
and ear remain
the same distance
apart no matter
which way the
head is turned...
***They
Walk Among Us!!!!!!!
***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I
couldn't find
my luggage at
the airport baggage
area. So I went
to the lost luggage
office and told
the woman there
that my bags
never showed
up. She smiled
and told me not
to worry because
she was a trained
professional
and I was in
good hands. 'Now,'
she asked me,
'Has your plane
arrived yet?'...
***They
Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!***
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While
working at a
pizza parlour
I observed a
man ordering
a small pizza
to go. He appeared
to be alone and
the cook asked
him if he would
like it cut into
4 pieces or 6.
He thought about
it for some time
before responding.
'Just cut it
into 4 pieces;
I don't think
I'm hungry enough
to eat 6 pieces.
***Yep,
They Walk Among
Us, too.!!!!!!!!
Sadly,
not only do they
walk among us,
they vote and they reproduce !!!!
|
|
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|
|
Divorce vs Murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into
his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist
asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied,
'I need it to poison my husband.' The
pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord
have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to
kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose
my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds
of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's
wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture
and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell
me you had a prescription."
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like
to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear
power?' and he smiles.
OK, ' she said.. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and
a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes
little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a
horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no
idea....'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
How Bad Is The Economy? (all together now.....'how
bad is it?)
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Even people who have nothing to do with the
Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher
than GM.
Obama met with small businesses to discuss
the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfeizer and Citigroup.
PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings
McDonalds is selling the 1/4-ouncer.
People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies
and learned their children's
names.
A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking
into Mexico ...
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish
your plate, do you know how many kids are starving
in the US ?"
Motel Six now won't leave the light on.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
Finally,
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard
Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion
disappear is being investigated by the people
who made $750 billion disappear.
Wichita Falls , Texas Times Record News...
Dear IRS,
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able
to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost.
I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax,
building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income
tax, dog licence tax, federal income tax, unemployment tax,
gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl
stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury
tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up
33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security
tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax,
recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment
tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state
and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge
tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence
registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax,
oil and gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas,
Colorado, Wyoming, Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and
many more that I can't recall but I have run out of space
and money.
When you do not receive my check April 15, just know
that it is an honest mistake. Please treat me the same way
you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney
Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your
boss Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.
P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon
as I get my stimulus check.
Ed Barnett
Wichita Falls
(except this really isn't funny is it folks?!)
We're In Deep ......... Water !
Shortly after class, an
economics student approaches his
economics professor and says, "I
don't understand this stimulus
bill. Can you explain it to me?"
The professor replied, "I don't
have any time to explain it at my
office, but if you come over to my
house on Saturday and help me with
my weekend project, I'll be glad
to explain it to you." The student
agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student
showed up at the professor's house.
The professor stated that the weekend
project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool,
and the professor handed the student
a bucket. Demonstrating with his
own bucket, the professor said, "First,
go over to the deep end, and fill
your bucket with as much water as
you can." The student did as
he was instructed.
The professor then continued, "Follow
me over to the shallow end, and then
dump all the water from your bucket
into it." The student was naturally
confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they
were going to do this many more times,
and began walking back to the deep
end of the pool.
The confused student asked, "Excuse
me, but why are we doing this?" The
professor matter-of-factly stated
that he was trying to make the shallow
end much deeper.
The student didn't think the economics
professor was serious, but figured
that he would find out the real story
soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between
the shallow end and the deep end,
the student began to become worried
that his economics professor had
gone mad. The student finally replied, "All
we're doing is wasting valuable time
and effort on unproductive pursuits.
Even worse, when this process is
all over, everything will be at the
same level it was before, so all
you'll really have accomplished is
the appearance of doing something
when all we did was the destruction
of what could have been truly productive
action!"
The professor put down his bucket
and replied with a smile, "Congratulations.
You now understand the stimulus bill."
|
Celebrating
the Age of Bush The commemorative coin set
THE ANNUAL DARWIN AWARDS
It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally
out, the annual
honor given to the persons who did the gene pool
the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed
by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he
was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist....
HONEST!
Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house.
This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing
both him and his unfortunate sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft
at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided
to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of
their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in
the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles (HARD to control light
airplanes when everyone
moves to one side).
Semifinalist #3
A 22 year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after
he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail
road trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker,
taped a bunch
of these straps together, wrapped an end around one
foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park ,
jumped and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. 'The length of the cordy that he had assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael
said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The
friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate
-- was
hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated
the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights,
power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians
from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building,
they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the
sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving
an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object,
the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles
away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually
untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by
his peers.
Finalist:
Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded,
as always,
posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the
apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane
crash, but it was a
car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
Police investigators
finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket
scientist ... had
somehow gotten a hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
Take Off,
actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military
transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from
short airfields. He
had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
found a long, straight
stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the
car, jumped in, got up
some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that
the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of
approximately 3..0 miles
from the crash site. This was established by the
scorched and melted
asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating
properly, would have
reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing
the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing
at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced
G-forces usually
reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder
of the event. However,
the automobile remained on the straight highway for
about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely
melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks
on the
road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional
1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet
leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the
driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail
and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to
be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron
attained a ground speed
of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage
was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE ALL AROUND US TODAY
-AND THEY BREED & VOTE, TOO...
Jokes, Page 2 >>>>>
The world gets crazier and crazier everyday, doesn't it? The world that many
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government by voting. The founder of the Rothschild dynasty, Mayer Amschel
Bauer, told the secret of controlling the government of a nation over 200 years
ago. He said, "Permit
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It's all about 'commerce'. Freedom is connected with Debt Elimination for
each individual. Not only does this end
personal debt, it places the people first in line
as creditors to the National Debt ahead of the banks. They don't wish for
you to know this. It has to do with recognizing WHO you really are in A
New Beginning: A Practical Course in Miracles, an informational study. Is
your credit rating bad for reasons that seem out of your control? There are
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so you can men those broken fences too. Do you want to keep your children protected
from outside forces, there are ways of protecting
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3/10/10
In the News
-Unemployment
rises in 30 states in January
-Defaulted
Loans May Haunt Seniors
-House
to vote on pullout from Afghanistan
-Boyfriend:
'Jihad Jane' suspect wasn't religious
-Obama
pushing on health care end game
-Founder
of Bob's Red Mill Natural Foods transfers business to employees
3/8/10
-DEER
ISLE, MAINE SPEAKS / STOP FUNDING WARS
-Deadly
6.0 Quake Rattles Turkey
-Oregon
state treasurer Westlund dies at 60
-Hitler
Youth Reached Out to Brit Boy Scouts
-Prosperity
Can Return, And The Fix is Simple
-Pilot
Shot in Head Still Lands With Afghan Injured
3/7/10
-Army
Pfc. Scott G. Barnett, 24, Concord; soldier dies in Iraq
-US
troops withdrawing en masse from Haiti
-Obama
Pleads With Dems to Pass His Health Bill
-Chile
mourns quake dead
-Illinois
Inmate Tried to Have 2 Kids Killed, Sheriff Says
-Bus
crash rescue workers hail boy as a hero
-Fox
News has some GOP thumping in its past
-Democrats
pull tax cheat bill
In Baghdad,
mortar rounds mark Iraq election day
3/6/10
-Strong
aftershock hits Chile
-Chile
quake-area still shaking, death toll unclear
-Chile
sacks official over tsunami alert
-Lost
Jewish tribe 'found in Zimbabwe'
-Hailstorm
brings chaos to Melbourne
3/5/10
-This
is how we stop Blackwater for good...petition
-Calif.
Mom Busted After Newborn Is Found in Trash
-Baby Starves
While Parents Tend to Virtual Child: Cops
-Free
Greg Caton from FDA tyranny; your help needed!
-
PolluterHarmony is the #1 matchmaking site
-'Extra
Small' Condoms for 12-Year-Old Boys Go on Sale
for polluters, industry lobbyists, & politicians!
-Woman
arrested in Monrovia for abducting daughter 14 years ago [Updated]
-Woman
charged with killing husband is lobbyist
-Parents
of Pentagon gunman sought a mental-health hold for their son, sheriff
in California says
-Pentagon
shooter apparently doubted 9/11 facts in Web posting
-Vatican
hit by gay sex scandal
-North
Korean worker executed for passing on news
-Republicans
embarrassed by 'evil empire' Obama smear
-Antidepressants
During Pregnancy Cause Premature Birth
-Hindu holy
man Paramhamsa Nityananda in hiding after 'sex film'
-US
facing surge in rightwing extremists and militias
3/4/10
In the News
-Suicide
bombings kill 31 as Iraq elections near
-BREAKING-
-Suspect,
Police Hurt in Pentagon Shootout Two
police officers were injured
-Senate rejects
$250 checks for elderly
-Cold
Case Files - Paxil Birth Defects
-Haitian family
survives 2 big quakes in 2 months
-Swine
Flu is Officially Over: UK National Pandemic Flu Service to be
Closed
-63
die, dozens injured in Indian temple stampede
-Sex
allegations against rabbi roil Israel's Orthodox community
3/3/10
In the News
-Anti-Washington
message propels Perry in Texas
-Justices
signal they're ready to make gun ownership a national right
-Spain
smashes infected global computer network
-Uncertainty raised
over Justice Department's handling of detainees
-Senate ends impasse,
approves jobless aid extension
-Charles Rangel temporarily
steps down as Ways and Means chairman
3/2/10
-Congress
Attacks Natural Supplements!
-Uniqlo’s
HeatTech Clothing Creates Heat From Your Sweat
-Jerry
Brown announces bid for governor, citing his 'knowledge' of state
government
-Seoul
Transforms a Freeway Into A River and Public Park
-Dominican
Authorities Approve Container Cities For Haiti Housing Relief
-Immigration
Reform Advocates Allege Jobs Bill Will Allow Employers To Hire
Illegal Aliens
-New ghost
towns: Industrial communities teeter on the edge
-Kangaroos
Poisoned By Fluoride
-Kids
Dream Up ‘Animal Table,’ Designer Quentin de Coster
Brings it to Life
-Architectural
Buckypaper Paves Way for Buildings of the Future
-Jerry
Brown announces bid for governor, citing his 'knowledge' of state
government
-Goldman
Lists New 'Risk': Bad Press
-Solar-Powered
Hat and Gloves Offer Promise of “Endless Warm”
-Spying
on Americans has become big business
-Harrisburg,
PA - Cat Has A Special Friend
-Historic
Earthquakes Chile
-
Goldman
Lists New 'Risk': Bad Press
-Gender
Bending Frogs, Killer Snakes, and Fat Mammoths
-New ghost
towns: Industrial communities teeter on the edge
-Chile
Earthquake May Have Shortened Days on Earth
-Priceless
watches stolen from Israeli museum 27 years ago land L.A. woman
in court
For
more news....
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