Laughter is the Best Medicine, Hands Down! |
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Divorce vs Murder
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Shortly after class, an
economics student approaches his
economics professor and says, "I
don't understand this stimulus
bill. Can you explain it to me?"
The professor replied, "I don't have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I'll be glad to explain it to you." The student agreed. At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor's house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool. They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, "First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can." The student did as he was instructed. The professor then continued, "Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it." The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told. The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool. The confused student asked, "Excuse me, but why are we doing this?" The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper. The student didn't think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough. However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, "All we're doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you'll really have accomplished is the appearance of doing something when all we did was the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!" The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, "Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill." |
Celebrating the Age of Bush The commemorative coin set
THE ANNUAL DARWIN AWARDS
It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally
out, the annual
honor given to the persons who did the gene pool
the biggest
service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed
by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he
was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a real rocket scientist....
HONEST!
Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made
him ill, and he rushed to vomit into the fireplace in his house.
This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing
both him and his unfortunate sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft
at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided
to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of
their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in
the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles (HARD to control light
airplanes when everyone
moves to one side).
Semifinalist #3
A 22 year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after
he tried to use
octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail
road trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker,
taped a bunch
of these straps together, wrapped an end around one
foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park ,
jumped and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby. 'The length of the cordy that he had assembled was greater
than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael
said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The
friend -- no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate
-- was
hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated
the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights,
power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians
from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building,
they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their
frustration, none of
the lights worked. Witnesses later described the
sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving
an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object,
the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles
away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually
untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by
his peers.
Finalist:
Now, to the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded,
as always,
posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the
apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane
crash, but it was a
car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
Police investigators
finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket
scientist ... had
somehow gotten a hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
Take Off,
actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military
transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from
short airfields. He
had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and
found a long, straight
stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the
car, jumped in, got up
some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that
the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of
approximately 3..0 miles
from the crash site. This was established by the
scorched and melted
asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating
properly, would have
reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing
the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing
at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced
G-forces usually
reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder
of the event. However,
the automobile remained on the straight highway for
about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely
melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks
on the
road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional
1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet
leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the
driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments
of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail
and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to
be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron
attained a ground speed
of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage
was not actually on the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE ALL AROUND US TODAY
-AND THEY BREED & VOTE, TOO...
The world gets crazier and crazier everyday, doesn't it? The world that many
of us thought was there, isn't. The bottom has dropped out of everything. The
illusions have been revealed, we have found out who has been pulling the strings
behind the scenes. Millions have lost their jobs, have mortgage
problems, and
foreclosure. What can be done? Amazingly, we have been mislead. We have been
taught that we can control government by voting. The founder of the Rothschild
dynasty, Mayer Amschel Bauer, told the secret of controlling the government
of a nation over 200 years ago. He said, "Permit
me to issue and control the money of a nation and I care not who makes its
laws." Get
the picture? Your freedom hinges first on the nation's banks and money system.
It's all about 'commerce'. Freedom is connected with Debt Elimination for
each individual. Not only does this end
personal debt, it places the people first in line
as creditors to the National Debt ahead of the banks. They don't wish for
you to know this. It has to do with recognizing WHO you really are in A
New Beginning: A Practical Course in Miracles, an informational study. Is
your credit rating bad for reasons that seem out of your control? There are
ways of credit repair,
so you can men those broken fences too. Do you want to keep your children protected
from outside forces, there are ways of protecting
your children. Do you want
to keep your sons and daughters free from 'the draft'? Check this out.
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The myriad of facts, conjecture, perspectives, viewpoints, opinions, analyses, and information in the articles, stories and commentaries posted on this site range from cutting edge hard news and comment to extreme and unusual perspectives. We choose not to sweep uncomfortable material under the rug - where it can grow and fester. We choose not to censor skewed logic and uncomfortable rhetoric. These things reflect the world as it now is - for better and worse. We present multiple facts, perspectives, viewpoints, opinions, analyses, and information.
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