| Relationships with
others start with the relationship you have
with yourself. |
A powerful self-help book for a time of grief and
longing.
"The Stranger" lyrics by
Billy Joel is a song that talks to me, does it
talk to you? Do you have a face that you hide
away forever, and only take it out when others
are gone?
Here is a link to it so you can judge for
yourself.
'The Stranger"
Are you playing this game with yourself, or
with others, or have you never had the ability
to 'see' who you really are.
Sometimes we are so caught up, in being the
child (son or daughter), or the spouse, the
sibling, the employee, the friend, that we
loose 'who' we are, or never really find 'ourselves'.
|
Transcending:
Words on Women and Strength
by Kelly Corrigan vid
There
are some
people who never do understand what the
word 'relationship' even means, for their
whole lives. They take and they take and
expect the world and everyone to revolve
around them and their needs, their hopes,
their dreams and are just not capable of
being in a relationship with others, let
alone with themselves. Then there are those
who are so damaged, that they simply aren't
capable of having a decent relationship with
anyone, let alone themselves. These days,
this seems to be the case more and more and
everyone has to be very careful in forming
relationships for friendships, or for romance.
This is terribly sad, but non-the-less true.
Your experience of close relationship will
probably be extremely important in discovering WHO you
are. In close relationship each partner
can serve as a mirror to the other so that
ego, games, and manipulations can be unveiled. If
there is clarity of mind, willingness to learn,
honesty, and compassion, relationship can help
you sort out and let go of the plots and ploys
you've learned and refined. Of course,
without clarity, when ego is running the show,
it's nearly impossible to learn quickly and
change. Rather, there is a resistance
to change that usually results in abuse and
suffering. Frequently, divorce will not
change the way people live and love. They
will fall back into the same choices and patterns
that destroyed their previous relationships. Counseling
may or may not help depending on the level
of awareness of the counselor and the degree
to which the principals agree to be honest
and ready to look at their own patterns and
manipulations.
People often prefer to share
their life with another for a variety of reasons. A
frequently voiced reason is that they are looking
for their other "half" as though another
person will complete them, that the other will
fill a void in them. This can be expressed
in a
"mathematical" expression: 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4. Wholeness cannot come
from two incomplete people joining in a partnership.
Often the outcome is disastrous. Of course, if one is abusive and the other
is committed to playing victim there will be a modicum of satisfaction in that
they help each other play out their roles. If they get along well they
still might not help each other move to clarity and wholeness. That's OK,
too. There is no right or wrong. Just experience. Sooner or
later they'll get the picture and change themselves and/or changes their partners.
One
clue is if a person has had many marriages,
or many marriages and relationships and none
'stuck'. If a person jumps from one to the
next, to the next, then they clearly don't
have the skills necessary to form and keep
a long term partner. These things have to be
considered as an important personality trait
when one is getting involved or even thinking
of getting involved with a new partner.
In
his book "I Am" Michael
Grinder states that all relationships are really
about the relationship with yourself, while
the journey seems to be outside, it is an inner
one. I have observed that the older a person
gets, the harder it is, because not so much
that they are 'set in their ways', but they
have spent many years forming their personalities,
finding their likes and dislikes and are in
their comfort zones. Most people are not as
flexible as they get older and have a hard
time even wanting to change, wanting others
to just 'accept them as they are', even willing
to live alone for the rest of their lives so
they don't have to grow and adapt. As evidenced
by all the singles sites, we have a whole huge
generation of boomers and elders who have lost
their loved ones through sickness or divorce
and find there is an empty place beside them,
they would like to fill.
A good relationship is a precious thing...to
share, to treasure. However a bad one can lead
us to sing some real sad country soungs. We just
have to get to know ourselves much better, and
then take our time to get to know the 'others'.....for
a good one! |
You
think online dating is the way to go? Better think
it over carefully, here is at least one story about
a 'cyberpath' who targets women, and much more.
BEWARE
THE RAGE OF A CYBERPATH WHEN CAUGHT Over one million
women are being stalked and 700,000 men are also being
stalked by psychopaths/sociopaths/cyperpaths.
'The
Mysterious Music Man' Nicole
Tindall met a man online who seemed too perfect to
be true. He said he was deeply connected within the
music industry, and could help her career if she
was willing to invest
A
Cyberpath's View of the World A Cyberpath/ Narcissist
is like a vampire who drains the emotional and even
physical energy out of those close to him. He identifies
and cultivates his prey, using them as a source of
supply to feed his never-ending egotistical needs.Should
his source not be good enough, he will dump it and
can cut people off in an instant without a second
thought. If he believes that the source has potential
to be a good one, he will however nurture it and
cultivate it carefully. This is where his charming
self comes into play. |
Twenty Special Secrets
~ Vernon Howard ~
this coming from a man, comments under from a woman
He) 1. When two people
meet, the prize always goes to the one with the
most self-insight. He/she will be calmer, more
confident, more at ease with the other.
She)
Or the more calm one is the one who is living
in their own delusion or make believe world of
what they think the relationship is all about.
This person could be cold and have no heart or
no commitment to the relationship at all. There
are many personality types that psychiatrists
have names for who hold themselves aloft and
above human emotions and think that they are
better then others. These are called 'sociopaths',
sometimes 'psychopaths'.
2. Never permit the behavior of other people to tell
you how to feel.
She)
The behavior of other people towards you will
give you a clue of what you have drawn to you
in your life, if it pushes a button, you may
need to look inside. But your reactions when
they hit the gut feelings inside of you may be
warning you to be aware of this person and their
way of dealing with relationships.
3. Pay little attention to what people say or do.
Instead, try to see their innermost motive for speaking
and acting. (Now, apply this very same rule to yourself
and you become an enlightened person!)
4. Any friendship requiring the submission of your
original nature and dignity to another person is
all wrong.
5. Mystically speaking, there is no difference between
you and another person. This is why we cannot hurt
another without hurting ourselves, nor help another
without helping ourselves.
6. When we are free of all unnecessary desires toward
other people, we can never be deceived or hurt.
7. You take a giant step toward psychological maturity
when you refuse to angrily defend yourself against
unjust slander. For one thing, resistance disturbs
your own peace of mind.
(However,
there are those who are mentally ill and keep
slandering others, besides yourself, and in that
case it is your responsibility to take actions
to stop these people and bring them to justice
of somekind, so they can be taken to account,
and perhaps get the help needed for their healing)
8. You understand others to the exact degree that
you really understand yourself. Work for more self-knowledge.
9. Do not be afraid to fully experience everything
that happens to you in your human relations, especially
the pains and disappointments. Do this, and everything
becomes clear at last.
10. The individual who really knows what it means
to love has no anxiety when his love is unseen and
rejected.
(BULLpucky!,
this is said by a person who has never really
loved and given everything they can and have
been betrayed. It will always hurt)
11. If you painfully lose a valuable friend, do not
rush out at once for a replacement. Such action prevents
you from examining your heartache and breaking free
of it.
12. Do not be afraid to be a nobody in the social
world. This is a deeper and richer truth than appears
on the surface
13. Every unpleasant experience with another person
is an opportunity to see people as they are, not
as we mistakenly idealize them. The more unpleasant
the other person is, the more he can teach you.
(and
maybe the teaching is to be able to recognize
'damaged' people so you don't let them into your
lives in the first place)
14. You can be so wonderfully free from a sense of
injury and injustice that you are surprised when
you hear others complain of them.
15. We cannot recognize a virtue in another person
that we do not possess in ourselves. It takes
a truly loving and patient person to recognize
those virtues in another.
16. Do not mistake desire for love. Desire leaves
home in a frantic search for one gratification after
another. Love is at home with itself.
17. There are parts of you that want the loving life
and parts that do not. Place yourself on the side
of your positive forces; do all you can to aid and
encourage them.
18. You must stop living so timidly, from fixed fears
of what others will think of you and of what you
will think of yourself.
19. Do not contrive to be a loving person; work to
be a real person. Being real is being loving.
20. The greatest love you could ever offer to another
is to so transform your inner life that others are
attracted to your genuine example of goodness. "
"What is it I see in you that I cannot seem to accept about myself?"
|
Organizations for those in need of special help:
Are You In
a Pathological Relationship Quiz
The Institute for Relational
Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education: For Those in Pathological
Love Relationships
Exposing Online Predators and
Cyperpaths
The world gets crazier and crazier everyday, doesn't it? The world that many
of us thought was there, isn't. The bottom has dropped out of everything. The
illusions have been revealed, we have found out who has been pulling the strings
behind the scenes. Millions have lost their jobs, have mortgage
problems, credit card issues, credit repair problems and
foreclosure. What can be
done? Amazingly, we have been mislead. We have been taught that we can control
government by voting. The founder of the Rothschild dynasty, Mayer Amschel
Bauer, told the secret of controlling the government of a nation over 200 years
ago. He said, "Permit
me to issue and control the money of a nation and I care not who makes its
laws." Get
the picture? Your freedom hinges first on the nation's banks and money system.
It's all about 'commerce'. Freedom is connected with Debt Elimination for
each individual. Not only does this end
personal debt, it places the people first in line
as creditors to the National Debt ahead of the banks. They don't wish for
you to know this. It has to do with recognizing WHO you really are in A
New Beginning: A Practical Course in Miracles, an informational study. Is
your credit rating bad for reasons that seem out of your control? There are
ways of credit repair,
so you can men those broken fences too. Do you want to keep your children protected
from outside forces, there are ways of protecting
your children. Do you want
to keep your sons and daughters free from 'the draft'? Check this out.
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